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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Turkeys, Chairs, and Lisa's Husband

If you are wondering what turkey, chairs and Lisa's husband all have in common listen up and I'll just tell 'ya. This is a wordy post, but I have three stories to tell, so just read it and stop complaining......


At the beginning of the week my friend Miss Doo, that's Debbie Doo had a post for People Magazine about the Sexiest man alive issue. Yes, we DIY blogs and crafty ladies write stuff like that from time to time.  We paint, and drill, and use nails,  but we're not blind 'ya know.

Bliss had an empty choice
 So Miss Doos posed the question to her readers if we could pick the man for the cover this year who would we pick?  I thought on it and this was my comment to her:

"There is no shortage of beautiful people and handsome men for People Mag to choose from but I’m just not finding one that I would add the word *sexy* to the handsome part.  I KNOW…. what’s wrong with me??". 

It bothered me that I didn't think any man was handsome and sexy both, have I gone blind? (With the exception of course of Brawn, but as far as I know People Mag wasn't considering him).


Help, I'm stuck in this pan and I can't get cooked
I'm hosting Thanksgiving for my in laws.  A pretty good sized group, if everyone were able to attend it would be upwards of 50 people including kids.  Brawn is the 4th oldest of 12, no matter how you slice it, or carve it, we need plenty of turkey.  We are expecting around 30 which includes our own gang, and when I cook a turkey I like leftovers to get the family through the weekend while I am out shopping and for my midnight sandwich.

Once upon a time 43 pounds sounded like an ideal turkey size.  We bought the bird in the spring and he came to us the day before Thanksgiving all fresh.  Forty three pounds of turkey carcass caused several problems, like ummm, Tom wouldn't fit in the pan, or the oven.
Or the fridge.
Or anywhere but on a chair as a guest.

My in-laws are pretty easy to please when it comes to food, but raw turkey isn't on the list.  We had to take the gobbler to friends at the local pizza shop to saw it in half.  At 10:00 the night before when we realized the beast could not be cooked as he was.  Isn't your local pizza shop owner also a butcher at the market?  Ours is.  Thank goodness!

43 pounds of big bird

So we cooked one half in the oven and the other on the grill.   The one Brawn put on the grill won hands down as the tastiest turkey ever, so since then he is in charge of giving us all the bird.  He relishes that -  x's two.

Back to the present....... I had to go out in search of the perfect sized turkeys, Thanksgiving IS a week away you know.  I have been looking on craigs list for some dining room chairs.  I knew what I wanted in my head plus they had some additional conditions like they had to be affordable.  My vision for a redo involved nailhead trim and feed sack backs, easily redone seats, since I can glue, staple and tape but can't sew.

 Something like this chair from the famous Miss Mustard Seed.  I covet this chair.  A lot.

Just last week I paused the search for chairs realizing I probably needed to paint, and pull the other room things together first.   Since craigslist has tons of chairs the right ones were sure to come along for the right price when I was ready.

Then I looked this morning.  These were there.  For a price I wanted to pay.  Apparently I'm ready.

Chair convention on my porch

I decided to combine getting the twin turkeys with a stop to look at those chairs.   They were pretty close to the vision in my head, both the turkeys and the chairs, and conveniently close to a Super Target that just happened to have Butterballs on sale.

We weigh 20 pounds each.  We love you Brawn, you sexy thing

But I didn't need a table, although I was willing to find a use for a huge dining room table in my already over stuffed garage full of projects and treasures.  Because I needed to put something else in that garage like I need a hole in the head.

One reason I couldn't think of a celebrity to crown as People's sexiest man alive might be because 'ya know... I'm no spring chicken.  Those young actors are cute yes, but I could be their mother.  And the old ones, ok, so James Bond is handsome, but he's getting up there in years.  Where is the middle of the road man for us middle of the road women?  Not too old, or not too young.
(source)
 Bond, James Bond

Lisa was a petite thing, and she described her husband as a "big guy, a really big guy" complete with hand motions on girth to emphasize how big, and she said he didn't want to bang in to stuff as he made his way around the table.  So I'm picturing someone looking a bit like that mafia actor guy James Gandolfini.  No offense to Mr. Gandolfini, there is nothing the matter with his looks, but I had not even considered him as my pick for the People Magazine cover.  I'm quite sure he wouldn't consider me for it either.
Source
James Gandolfini

While I was viewing the chairs with Lisa, Irene called her.  As Lisa told Irene the set was sold I motioned to her to see if Irene was interested in just the table.  She was.  As Irene drove to see Lisa's table I was at Target lifting 20 pound Butterballs into my cart, on sale for .99¢ a pound. 

With the 40 lb. twins safely on the floor of the front seat, I headed back to Lisa's to find out if I was going to be the owner of 6 chairs or 6 chairs and a table.  Irene wanted the table.  Perfect!  I wouldn't have to bother Brawn to fetch a table he surely knows we don't need or have room for.


Lisa's husband came home and helped me load, and the chairs all fit nicely, two in the back, three in the middle, and one riding shotgun holding down the turkeys.  My vehicle is always the dirty one when I go to the city, it has a panel of dirt road brown down the side.  With furniture piled in every available spot, I was a new version of the Beverly Hillbillies complete with vittles in the front seat. But minus the black gold or Texas tea.

Keep in mind I'm expecting a BIG guy, like someone who has eaten their fair share of Butterballs or I would describe lovingly as a butterball.  Mr. Lisa helped me load the chairs and I told Lisa he didn't look anything like I thought, that he wasn't that big!  Lisa said he's cute isn't he?

Now dear readers is the time to clear your mind of Mr. Gandolfini and all motions of girth, and start to picture someone more the size of The Rock or Vin Diesel big.  So I agreed with Lisa that he was cute, I think I said "yes he is,  he's very cute".  Trying not to put too much emphasis on the 'very' part for fear of embarrassing myself!  But... OMG!!!

Ummmm Lisa, I hate to tell 'ya but ......... he isn't cute.  He's drop. dead. gorgeous!   People Magazine didn't ask me, but Miss Doos did so I would put Lisa's husband on the cover (if Brawn was busy that day of course).  If Lisa sends me a photo I'll put it with this post, or under my pillow.



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46 comments :

  1. O my but what a gaggle of folks...I saw this once once....boy do you have the family for it...this sweet lady started a tradition, she got a large white cloth and everyone signed...left notes, kids hands drawn out...whatever and then she would embroider...who does that today...but the idea was so cool....
    Hmmmm I still think my Hubby is the best, and I am older then you ....my sexy is still Tom Selleck or Sam Elliot

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  2. this was quite the story. it looks like everyone made out, the twins, chairs and one hot dude ( well three if you count Brawn and my hubby)!

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  3. That was an awesome story...or stories. You got your answer for Debbie Doo in a round about way. No worries now! You're still rockin' and young.

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  4. You've been staying up late again haven't you - was it because you were thinking of Mr. Lisa !
    I read and enjoyed every word of this story, like a mini slice of Bliss' life, but all I can think is - what on earth does he look like ? ! ?

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  5. Okay Bliss...AWESOME story but I want to see this "Mr. Drop.Dead.Gorgeous"!

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  6. And the chairs! .... they are drop dead gorgeous! Great find!
    And thanks for reminding me, I guess I better start thinking about a turkey!
    Susan

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  7. OMG, thanks for the laugh first thing this morning. I needed it. I wonder who has an oven that holds a 43lb turkey? I guess those big fancy ones will. I wouldn't know since I don't have one. Those chairs are great. Oh, and my husband is number nine of ten and only three were boys.

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  8. I had to go back and re-read who Lisa was. It's early and I haven't had much coffee yet!! Yay for twin turkeys, new dining room chairs and hunky guys to look at it!!!

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  9. Love the story but we definitely need to see a picture of Mr. Lisa! I have all sorts of images in my mind.

    Holly

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  10. I too am in suspense until I see a pic of Lisa's husband. I not only am old enough to be the mother of the People's sexiest man alive, I usually have never heard of them anymore. I guess I don't see many movies.

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  11. I love this post, Bliss...and the chairs are awesome! Most of the guys in People magazine just look like kids to me...

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  12. Oh my side splitting goodness! this was hilarious!
    You had me glued to the screen the whole time...this story was full of everything that was meaningful.
    Food, Decorating and Great Looking guy (stories)...Roger Moore is after all... a 'sexy Grand-Pappy"....lol!

    hilarious! thanks for sharing it. Pat

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  13. You just think he wins because he helped to load those chairs...ha! Sorry I just couldn't help myself.

    BTW, you don't have to do any exercise after hauling those turkeys around...have a great feast! Can't wait to see the chairs done and your splendid table! Cooking for 30...my worst nightmare...I am so proud of you!

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  14. Picture!! Lisa...I want a picture!!
    Bliss, I want to go turkey shopping with you. You have too much fun.
    I'm so glad you got your chairs. I was getting worried!

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  15. What a riot! I never knew getting new dining room chairs could be so much fun! You had me laughing at the Beverly Hill Billy's thing with vittles in the front seat! Love your new chairs and glad that you were able to score some turkey's for your big day. I feel for you having to cook not just one turkey but two!!! Lordy! I would be in full out panic mode right now trying to fix all of that and find room to seat everyone. Looks like you're going to be fine though since you did some advance planning. I'm hosting Christmas Eve with my family this year, so I'll be in panic mode in a few more weeks myself! Now I'm ready to lay eyes on the stud muffin you met!

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  16. LOL! Bliss....you are the best....I was waiting for Lisa's husband to look like the guy from the sopranos :) Thanks for making me smile today!

    blessings,
    karianne

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  17. Wow, if that post wasn't all over the place like a flock of turkeys, sitting on chairs, reading People Magazine, and gobbling about drop dead gorgeous sexy men. :)

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  18. I LOVE those chairs (more coveting going on, lol), and what a funny story! I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

    Patty

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  19. I think I may have snorted a time or two while laughing through your story(ies)! As far as Mr. Lisa...Bring it! (I quite possibly have watched way too many episodes of Storage Wars.)

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  20. Winner winner turkey dinner -- all the way around, Bliss. I'll be waiting for the visual of Mr. Lisa. :)
    xo Heidi

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  21. I think that 43 lb Tom Turkey is the sexiest man alive!
    Kelly

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  22. You crack me up... it was soooooo worth the read. he he he

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  23. Well now that you've teased us, we need to see that picture!

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  24. Win~win~win !!! If YOU post the picture we can ALL have one under our pillow!

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  25. "Or anywhere but on a chair as a guest." HA!

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  26. well that worked out perfectly! love the chairs!

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  27. Hilarious.

    So glad that the end of this sentence: I had to go out in search of the perfect sized turkeys, Thanksgiving IS a week away you know. I have been looking on craigs list...didn't end in you looking for your turkeys on craigslist...phew.

    Thanks for making me laugh and good luck with that thanksgiving feast.

    AND, I hope Lisa send you a picture of her hunky husband :)

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    1. I was hoping this post would be updated with a picture of Lisa's husband by now :)

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  28. Oh, oh. I think Lisa's husband is going to make the cover of Artful Blogger Magazine!

    So, I probably don't need to buy a set of twin gobblers for 8 adults and 2 toddlers, right?

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  29. Okay, that's too cute. Wish you'd post that picture! Great chairs, can't wait to see what you do with them!

    Debbie

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  30. You're hilarious Bliss - first of all what a score on those chairs - they're gorgeous!
    And Anthony Bourdain is the man for me - totally!!!
    xox
    But would love to see a pic of Lisa's husband

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  31. I want a picture of that Lisa's husband! Oh you are by far the funniest creative blogger in my land. I have to share this with my husband, sawing the turkey in half???? At the Pizza Shop????? Love your new chairs, and so glad it all worked out in the end. Well, except for the twin turkeys. They got the raw end of the deal, and now their goose is cooked. Or maybe their time is up, and they are done, so stick a fork in them. (I know, I just can't help myself when I am on a roll, as in rolling, as in turkey heads). O.K. I am done. Wait, a turkey is done, I am finished. The end.

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  32. Now this is the kind of thing they invented photography for. Pics please! :) Chairs are gorgeous!

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  33. They always get cuter when helping with chores! Love the chairs! And everyone else might have moved on from Matthew McConaughey but not me - he is a hot Southern mess with a sexy voice!

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  34. The chairs are lovely. Such a great post! Full of humor too. Where's the picture? LOL. I am happily your newest follower.

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  35. Now we want to see the photo :) and the chairs are soooo pretty! I am also late getting my turkey so I better get it in gear ... here I go to shop!
    Hugs

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  36. You had me at 'The Rock' and now my brain is all mush.

    Lovely chairs you do luck out and find the best-est stuff Bliss.

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  37. I, for one, like your wordy posts. Because you type good and interesting and funny words! I like your chairs. I want to oogle Lisa's husband.

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  38. Your turkey story is priceless. The chairs are going to be just gorgeous!
    Wishing you a happy and blessed Thanksgiving.
    Hugs,
    Patti

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  39. Wow! That is quite the story it includes food, furniture and friends! Good luck with your Thanksgiving dinner!

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  40. I have the same trouble with the sexy thing. Yes, they are handsome, but many many people are handsome. I have to interact, or better yet - KNOW, someone to know if they are sexy or not. Also some of these guys are such idiots I just can't get too excited about them. So if you say Lisa's husband is the sexiest man alive, I'm ok with that! I always had a thing for Ed Harris - sexiest eyes and smile EVER...but he's getting pretty old and not looking quite so sexy any more. I hope that doesn't hurt his feelings. Good luck with your company!

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  41. Did she send the picture??? I can't wait to see him ;) I would love to have some of that grilled turkey :)
    Have a Happy Thanksgiving :)
    Debbie

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  42. Great Read - I really enjoyed it! Wish I could see the picture of Lisa's hubby!
    Happy Thanksgiving.

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    Replies
    1. Hey Jeannie, did you know that you are a no-reply blogger? If you would like help fixing that drop me an email.
      Bliss

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  43. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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I read every.single.comment. If comments are turned off on a post, it is due to those nasty spammers, so drop me an email instead - just make sure you are not a no-reply blogger.

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